When Trust Breaks Down at the Top: A Lesson in Accountability and Managing Up
By Skeeter Wesinger
May 18, 2025
Introduction
Trust and accountability are the bedrock of effective leadership. When those foundations crack, even the most talented teams can falter. I learned this lesson the hard way a few years ago, through a personal experience that tested my values. I found myself asking a simple question to a leader I respected: “Where are you?” The answer I received wasn’t honest – and I already knew it. In that moment, I realized how quickly leadership credibility can evaporate when trust is broken. This article explores that true story and the leadership dynamics of holding others accountable, maintaining standards, and protecting organizational integrity.
The Day Trust Was Broken
I remember the day vividly. At the time, I was in our midtown office wrapping up meetings before heading to the airport. My regional manager – someone I had hired years ago and paid well – had worked for me for a full decade in a previous venture. I had known him for over twenty years, and I trusted him. That day, I had given him one clear directive: do not visit a particular location in the city during company time. That site had ongoing issues with its staff, and I explicitly told him it was off-limits “while on the clock.” He agreed, and I trusted him to honor that request.
As I was finishing up my day, I noticed he had quietly slipped out of the office. Something didn’t feel right. A short while later, as I was on a phone call with him, I saw him in person – to my surprise – nervously walking back to his company car at the very location I had deemed off-limits. He was exactly where he wasn’t supposed to be. I listened on the phone as he spoke, perhaps thinking I was none the wiser. I decided to ask the question directly: “Where are you right now?” There was a brief pause. He mumbled an answer that did not match the reality I was witnessing. In that instant, he ducked the question and chose not to tell me the truth.
Leadership, Integrity, and Accountability
That brief exchange was a gut punch. Here was someone I had invested in – someone whose career I had helped build – caught in a lie over a basic question. It illustrated a powerful truth about leadership: credibility is everything, and dishonesty can shatter it in a heartbeat. Once people sense deceit or a breach of integrity, their trust evaporates. In my case, all the respect I had for my manager was now on shaky ground. If a leader can’t follow the rules they’ve agreed to uphold and cannot be truthful about their actions, how can their team believe in them?
Accountability and transparency aren’t just corporate buzzwords – they’re prerequisites for trust. When leaders fail to hold themselves to the same standards they expect of others, credibility erodes and cynicism grows. In my situation, the manager’s unwillingness to be accountable for his whereabouts sent a clear message: the rules applied to everyone else but not to him. This double-standard undercut the trust we had built. A leader’s behavior sets the tone – if they break the rules, why should anyone follow them?
Being truthful might seem like Leadership 101, but it’s surprising how often it’s compromised. A leader who lies (even by omission) creates an atmosphere of doubt. In my case, that one dishonest moment overshadowed years of prior rapport. I was no longer upset about the lie itself; I was upset that going forward I couldn’t believe him – echoing Nietzsche’s famous words, “I am not upset that you lied to me, I am upset that from now on I cannot believe you.” Trust, once broken, is incredibly hard to rebuild.
When You’re the One Holding the Line
This incident put me in a challenging position. I wasn’t dealing with someone above me in the org chart – I was dealing with someone I had trusted, mentored, and paid generously, who now worked under my leadership again. And yet, he thought he could slip through the cracks. Ignoring a breach of trust at that level wasn’t an option. Teams take their cues from the top; if they see dishonesty tolerated, morale and engagement erode quickly.
I chose to address it directly and calmly. I let him know I had seen him and reminded him that the expectation wasn’t negotiable. The goal wasn’t to embarrass or dominate—it was to uphold standards. Because leadership isn’t just about direction—it’s about stewardship. It’s about setting a tone others can follow.
Conclusion – What Would You Do?
Experiences like this underscore that leadership isn’t defined by titles or salaries, but by character and actions. Trust and accountability go hand in hand: when one slips, the other tumbles. In the aftermath, our working relationship was never quite the same. I remained courteous and professional, but a veil of caution now existed.
So let me ask: What would you have done? If you saw a longtime colleague or employee duck accountability in real time—how would you handle it? Would you confront it or let it slide?
Have you had to hold someone accountable when it was personally difficult to do so?
Share your thoughts. I’d love to hear how others navigate these gray areas of leadership.